And here's number three.

So, as I said in a post a few weeks back - bad things often come in threes. So, after I lost my wallet and my phone breaking, I'd been waiting for the third thing to rear it's ugly head. And finally, it has.

My computer crashed on me last week. So I've been without a proper computer for a week. That I can deal with, I've been using my Mum's (that she never uses too much anyway). Dad took it into work with him to try and figure out what the problem was. Today he told me that it was ok, apart from a few little things that don't really impact on me using it. So that was all good.
Then he tells me I've lost whatever was on one of my drives. He tells me which drive it is and I realise it's the one with all my photos on it.

Three years, thousands of photos. Gone. Photos from my deb, rock to reef, the last few days of school and everything else I've taken photos of in the last three years. All gone. Just like that. Dad keeps insisting it's just stuff; but it's not. My photos are my memories.

Of course I had to lose one of the only things on that computer actually meant something to me. I mean, I would have been upset if it was my music that I'd lost - but at least they can be replaced easily enough. Photos can't.

Excuse the language but - FUCK!

Going to my first concert - alone!

I've been a fan of Taylor Swift since I heard her first single "Tim McGraw" on the Country Music Channel. Back then (I'm only talking the start of 2008 here.. Maybe late 2007) no one else had even heard of her.

Now that she's a huge star in America and people are finally starting to notice her over here as well, she's doing a tour! Originally, I wasn't going to go. Mostly because I couldn't afford it, and I had no one to go with. So I left it. Then I decided I still wanted to go, with or without company. I went to ticketek, but all the tickets were sold out. So I wasn't happy, because I thought I'd missed my chance.

Last night, I was looking around some websites and I found the website of the venue where the concert is being held. It never even occured to me that they would sell tickets to shows (because I'm smart like that.). But I saw that they still had some left!

I thought "Why the hell not?" and decided to take a risk and buy one. But I'm still a bit worried. While I'm quite happy doing things on my own, I've never been to a concert before so I don't really know what to expect.

Am I crazy for going by myself??

Bad things come in threes.. (+Danny Bhoy)

So, Tuesday. I lost my wallet. I ripped apart the whole house to try and find it. In things, on things, under things, behind things. Everywhere you can think of, I looked for it. I rang every place I'd been in the last few days since I last remember having it. No one has seen it. I rang the police, no one has handed it in.
So I'm working under the assumption that I'm never going to see the thing again. I guess I'm just lucky that I didn't have any credit cards of cash in there at the moment. But that doesn't mean it still doesn't suck. I had my bank card, my learner's permit, medicare card and a bunch of other things that I really don't want to have to replace. But now I don't really have a choice.
Also means I had to buy a new wallet, which I didn't want to do because I was rather attached to the one I had. It was just perfect for all my stuff. But now I have to get a new one. Oh yay.
I'm kicking myself because I'm usually so careful with it and I don't know where I could have lost it.

Friday. I get a phone call. I answer it, but then realise I can't actually hear what they're saying. They can hear me, but I can't hear them. I take it into the shop, to see what they can do about it. They take a look at it, tell me they have to send it away to get it fixed and it'll take about two weeks. Ok i can deal with that.

They give me a replacement phone to use in the meantime. But it wasn't charged so I got home to charge it and it doesn't even fucking work. So now I have no phone at all. My mum was nice enough to let me use her phone though. But still, that's not really the point. I've barely had this phone for 6 months and it's already broken twice now.

But people always say that bad things always come in threes. So right now, I'm waiting for the third thing. I wish it would hurry up so I can get it over with.

That's my rant for the day. I know I haven't posted much in the last few weeks, but.. well.. I'm pretty sure like no one even reads this so I'm not sure anyway cares.

IN OTHER NEWS! I went and saw Danny Bhoy's show tonight. It was fantastic. Tom Gleeson was the supporting act, and I just love him, he's always funny. I got my ticket signed (because I had no money to buy a DVD) by them both, and a picture with both of them too! I look disgusting in the picture, but I don't mind so much because of who it's with!

Anyway, goodnight!

Cutting The Fat

I thought it would be a good idea to start a blog about my weight loss journey, instead of posting all about it here. So, feel free to check that one out.

http://cutting-the-fat.blogspot.com/

I won't be that person.

I was watching TV this afternoon, a show about a 'retirement home' where morbidly obese people go when they can no longer take care of themselves. Andover Village, I think it was called. The narrator on the show said that the average weight of it's patients' is 500 pounds. That's 226 kilograms!

I think I've seen the show before, because it seemed somewhat familiar. I don't know if I just wasn't paying attention then or I just didn't care, but this time it really hit me. If I don't get healthy now, start eating right and actually taking care of myself, eventually I will probably end up like that. And I don't want that. I'm a fairly independent person and the thought of being so massive that I can't take care of myself? Its.. well.. not something I want to happen.

I already have type two diabetes, which leaves me at risk of so many other problems already, which you think would have been enough to make me wake up to myself and realise what I've been doing to myself, and it was for a while. I was diagnosed when I was 15. I made big changes, lost a lot of weight and for a while everything was ok again. Then once I hit VCE, everything changed back. I didn't have time to get out and exercise every day, let alone the energy to. So I put back on all the weight I'd lost, plus about an extra six kilos.

I can't let myself die this way. I can accept the inevitable fact that one day I will die (that's not to say it doesn't scare me silly), but I won't let it be like this. Because if I keep going down this road, eventually I will die, probably prematurely, of something related to diabetes or just the fact I'm obese.

But that's not going to be me. Not any more. From here on in, everything's going to change.

I miss the way things used to be.

It's funny, even though I've started taking really positive steps in my life and making goals towards becoming happy and healthier, I find myself missing the way things used to be. I'm changing as a person, and I know it's a good thing but it's going to take some getting used to. I mean, sure the old me was anti-social, had low self esteem and was just generally unhappy with herself and life, but it was me, you know? Although it wasn't a very healthy image, I felt like I knew who I was. And now, I have no idea. I've hidden behind all my problems for years and it's hard to get out of that and get used to becoming someone new.
On the other hand, I'm really excited to be starting all these new things. I'm on a new diet, I've started karate and I feel like I'm finally taking control over my own life. And that does feel good.

But right now, I don't think even a staircase of positive steps could stop me missing how things were. One corner of my bedroom wall is pretty much covered to the ceiling in memories. Photos, movie tickets, movie posters. Every time I look at it, I'm reminded of school and my friends; and how much I know I'm going to miss it in years to come.

But everything changes eventually, right? Just gotta deal with it, I guess.